Blame it on the Alcohol

 

Just waking up, eye crust on steroids looking like Croutons, headache outta this world, stumbling about with the worst morning breath you've ever had in your life and your whole aura reeks of personal failure... Yup, you just had the best night of your life. Congrats.

The only downside is the drunken texts and calls you attempted while inebriated that made you look like the town fool with No Self Control. Depending on who you are and the people you surround yourself with this may not be far off from the truth. Hopefully it was worth it for you.

People need to remember that Alcohol affects Judgment and Lowers Inhibitions. What that means is the stuff you did/said is the stuff you always wanted to, its just that little voice in your head telling you not to is passed out now. Learn to control yourself when drinking, ESPECIALLY if you know you been fake with people you could potentially contact... You aint gonna do nothin but tell on yourself. Drink in Moderation

 

Below are some Drunk pictures for you enjoyment

 

 

 

 

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Here I Lay by Johnny Magnum

 

Here I Lay...

Wishing for a day to stay in bed and play with our bodies and minds entwined, straddling the line between Love and Lust.
Our trust thus leads to multiple robust thrusts of passion outlasting any of your previous crush touch.

I Can’t Wait......

So I verbally mandate orgasms, cause your pleasures my fan base.
I stand straight and dive with a demeanor to make Hurricane Katrina’s aftermath, by comparison, look like I’m starin’ in to an arid suns sand landscape.

There is No One Better......

Cause I aim to get you wetter than swimmin’ in linen at summers beginning.
You tumblin’ and trippin’ over your own words, slurred, blurtin’ absurd curse word verbs, while ya swerve serves me like a happy customer.

And that’s why You’re Gettin’ the Business......

It seems like were never finished, But even in this diminished capacity, I happily have to be glad to see the sun rise over the full moon of your backside, you crack wise and try to escape rapidly;

But I pull You Back to Me......

Cause when I’m in the zone, its not like when we phone bone at home.
It’s so known that I’m gonna roam past ya pink thrones’ palace, until I hear your grown tone moan while I hone my homegrown talents.
The perfect balance between Love and Lust thrusts me onto cloud nine without ever being flown.
She holds her own, but let it be known my own clone couldn’t satisfy the fire inside.
Its not pride, I can see it in her eyes.
Then I reside beside her and I’m prone to let out a pleasure moan groan, but lo and behold my soul controls and can only compose a mere sigh...Why?

Because Here I Lie........Alone

 

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Perfect Imperfection by Johnny Magnum

I have not yet found you, But I know you’re there,

The woman who I will Love, and only for her I will care.

I will do everything for her I can, and her for me,

Two sides to a perfect circle that create unity.

We will have problems only each other can solve,

And us being together can make the world revolve.

When she is weak, I will be her spine,

She is the Yin to my Yang, and the 6 to my 9.

Together we will only get better with Time,

She is the Perfect Imperfection, and she will be Mine.

                                           

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Got Jokes Huh?

I have seen a resurgence of the popular past time form of joke telling called "Roasting". Now, I didn't know what it was because in NY we just called it Clowning and then in Bmore a small circle of us called it "Clock time," in which we made jokes with a Symbolic Chess Clock in front of us and if you couldn't make a joke in a couple seconds then you lost.
Now it seems people are doing it to be popular online, which is pretty lame, but whatever; not everybody has self respect, I guess. But nonetheless, I think all "Roasts" should have a time limit. If it takes you 5mins to come up with a non Intelligent joke like, "You look like a Radioactive Turd" {'~' }™ , chances are you should just stop!

 But I do have a newfound saying, "If you're gonna be LAME, do that sh*t to the MAX!" So... for you 'Be Lame-For-Fame' Style Roasters here's a few tips to increase your RT's and follower Count:

Basic Algebraic Formula:
Obscure(Country+ Animal)
Ex: You look like a Mongolian Praying Mantis

The good thing about most of these jokes is that 95% of the times the person looks NOTHING like the animal but it sounds funny so people can't help but to laugh. If you think I'm lying then you look like a Filipino Coy Fish when you Kiss

The Tag Team:
Tag people who are funny so that you can Ask for Help, without actually appear like you're asking for help.
Ex. Yo @JohnnyMagma look at this ugly mofo @RandomTwitterName,
don't he look like a Antarctic Snow Beaver?

Unfortunately, this happens DAILY and so many names get tagged that a decent joke is almost never possible.

TT Roast:
Use the current Trending Topics up on the board, or one that you are about to put on the board (if you are one of the "Kings/Queens of Twitter" {'~' }™ This will increase your exposure Tremendously because there are literally millions of people on TT's at any given time that will see it even if they aren't following you.

Ex. #MarcusBJoke(s) if you don't know of that hashtag, thank your lucky stars you've never had to suffer through what can only be explained as a Nicki Minaj rap style Roast with random capitalized words typed with the intelligence of a Lil B punchline.

The Only 2 Universally Successfully executed Hashtag style roasts are #Rhamu (which Trended Worldwide by the way) followed by #BoywaltsVest. If you weren't in on those then you just missed it... Sorry.

Another benefit of this is the fact that the trend can be explained (via Apps and/or WhatTheTrend.com) and therefore be a permanent record of the Hilarity that ensued if it becomes popular enough.
Ex: #BoyWaltsVest => whatthetrend.com/trend/boywaltsvest

Have Fun "Roasters" your Cyber Life depends on it... Word to the wise though, anyone following these guidelines will typically get labeled a Lame Ass and be unfollowed just as quickly as you were followed. Your interest factor will decrease severely because when you see how the magician does his trick... it's just not as Mesmerizing.

Moral of the Story: If you have to Try to be funny, then You aren't Funny!!

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You Are by Johnny Magnum

When You Are not here,

My heart breaks down in tears.

You Are the reason for my pride,

And the reason of my fear.

When things get out-of-control,

You Are the reason that I steer.

And when I’m on the Grind

You Are the Oil on my Gears.

When my life is full of stress,

You Are the reason I Relieve.

And when my life is a mess,

You Are the Reason that I Clean.

You Are always there when I Beckon, It’s kinda weird,

You make years feel like mere seconds when You’re near.

I Love the thought of Loving You,

I Dread the thought of Missing You,

When it gets quiet in the room, You are the Music that I listen to.

You are the Reason I am here, The Kleenex to my Tears,

There’s nothing left to Fear, When I Feel that You are near.

You are the reason I’m Dumbfounded,

You are the reason I am Smart,

You are the reason I am Bounded to you with my Heart.

And Every time I see Your face it’s like New Art,

So No Girl Can Ever Compare to the Woman that You Are

        
                                                                                 

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